I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
