last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
