She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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