At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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