i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
