I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
