just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
