watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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