He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
