If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
