So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
