My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
