The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize