My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
