Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
