miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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