I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
