I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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