I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
