epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
