have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
