I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize