Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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