Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
