My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize