Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drake has all the answers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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