she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
