I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
