Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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