You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have fence marks all over my body
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He shit in the fireplace
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
