I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The air was thick with penises
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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