yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
