Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
