I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize