we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
