Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
