It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
