Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
