Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
