I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
