i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
