Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They have beer where we have blood.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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