you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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