Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
