does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
