It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
