I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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