I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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