if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
