I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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