You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Couch. On fire.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
