umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
