allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
