another moral hangover. fuck.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
