The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
