I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
