How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
