So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
