I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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