if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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