Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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