I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
