My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
