you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
