I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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