I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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