My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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