we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When did angry sex become our thing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
